So, I was raised as a devout Mormon. With that comes certain expectations. Live a good life, make good decisions, marry a good mormon boy, have lots of good mormon babies.
Sometimes it's not easy being "good"
Here is my conflict.
Do I wait around, live the "good" life, hoping that I will be blessed with a wonderful, caring mormon man?
OR
Do I look outside the church? Look for someone that would be a good, decent, hardworking man. If I do find someone, outside the church, is it realistic for me to enforce my moral values on them. Would they stick with me long enough to get married?
Do I really want to wait?
I met my husband, soon to be former husband, when I was 31. I was "good" up until then. We met in September, were engaged in October, married in February. Sometime between Halloween and Valentines day I stopped being "good". If I was unable to wait the first time, what makes me think I can wait the next time?
Do I really want to wait?
My experience with mormon men is that they are very picky when it comes to their women. There seems to always be someone better around the corner, and with the male/female ratio at church, there probably is.
Now that I am older, there seems to be even less opportunities to find a good, decent, intelligent, hardworking mormon man.
My best friend's husband is an atheist, and he is one of nicest men I've met. Do I exclude 90% of my potential dating pool, just because they don't share the same religion?
I have known good, intelligent, kind women who are in their 50s who have never married, some who have never been intimate with a man. They are still waiting for a nice mormon man.
Do I really want to wait?
Intimacy between a man and woman is a natural thing. The church tells us..."Physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love within marriage."
I get that, I want that. But now, I seem to be encumbered by paperwork. I've been separated from my husband for 4 months, divorce papers are filed, I have no intention of remaining married to him. Yet if I decide I want some, I could go to him get what I need and come back to the same situation as before. And no one in the church would care.
But come December 24th. Once those papers are signed he is off limits. Everyone is off limits.
A piece of paper determines if I can or can't have sex.
Or, do I decide?
How long do I wait?
I don't know
Do I really want to wait?
I don't know
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4 comments:
oh man! I know where you are! all I know is you can't inflict your position on anyone inside or outside of the church but they shouldn't inflict theirs on you either. I have known plenty of people who couldn't get married in thetemple b/c they didn't decide before hand to respect eachother they gave in. Btui when it comes to someone outside the church IF they care about you they should listen to you and respect you enoguh to follow your desires. YOU make up your mind NOW before the situation ever comes up and you areless likely to ever be making a descision on the fly. man I can quote itgood can't I? and yet if CP were to try anything there are times when I am not strong enough to withstand. But honestly Ithink he wouldn't try anything unless i gave a very clear signal that i was crossing over. He respects me enough to not try but i give him a green light or even an orange one and he will take it as far as he can. but yes I am conflicted too everyday. Do I wait be "good" and be alone for the rest of my life? 40 years of alone is enough damn it! I want to wake up in someone arms.
guess what?
But thats the problem. I really, really, really liked that part of being married. I'm not sure I want to wait. I know I should, but...
You and I have oddly similar thoughts of late. This is one of the things I never knew how to deal with. That whole Natural Man thing...
I'd say this. Morman men aren't better than anyone else. In fact I think they largely sucketh (but moving on) I never agreed with that we should marry a mormon man, have morman kids rhetoric. Don't discount someone on religion. And don't let it decide for you. People can change religions and beliefs. But thier personality is gonna be good and permanent. Find someone that you can be happy with. If they are the person for you, then your choices and values will matter to them. And a road can be found where you both can walk together happily.
I want a manual that tells me what I'm supposed to do, they tell me the scriptures do that..but man do I ever have a hard time finding my answers in there. You're an awesome lady G. And rightly so you should want to be in someone's arms and be with them. If at the end of the day you can look at yourself in the mirror and be happy with your choices...then I think you've done ok.
Sorry that it's not coming out to your happy ending as you want... But as you say truth is relative, so is happiness. I'm still married and my boat isn't different than yours. I'm not the religous answer person as you know..but i've been in your boat more than you know. A physical want/need is a big push or pull in our lives. Making our day, or wrecking it.
You will know when the time comes, just don't close your heart to the possibility. If it doesn't feel like he is the right man, if your gut doesn't feel butterflies, if your neck doesn't shiver, then you will know to walk away, and wait for the right one.
You were already "good" and married a "good" mormon man. How much longer are you going to wait? how much more of your life and happines will you sacrifice for rethoric? you're still a butterfly, please don't become a caterpillar in it's 50's still waiting for something that won't ever fulfill your youth.
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