I just re-read my last post and have found some irony
in what I wrote.
This weekend I felt like I was nineteen,
not a mature woman of nearly forty. Awkward,
nervous, unsure. Why can't I be the woman I think
I am, the woman I want to be.
Those close to me see that woman. The strong,
confident, intelligent, funny, easy going woman that I
imagine I am. Why is that so difficult for me to share
with the rest of the world. Why am I so afraid of
what others think that it prevents me from
doing or being anything.
Why do I freeze up every time I'm faced with
new situations, put up my walls.
I feel like those walls are sometimes preventing me
from living life. I over think everything, plan everything,
prepare for everything. Why can't I just let things
happen, enjoy the moment.
I feel as if I live my life in my head. Make the smart
choices, follow the logical path, be the good girl.
I don't feel as if I allow myself to live my life with my
heart, with passion and gusto. I wish I could. I wish
I knew how. I wish I had the courage to follow my
childhood dreams, but I have always made the
practical plans, modified my dreams so that they
can fit the practical life...
How can I let go, and live my life with my heart.
I know that by doing that I may find the greatest joy,
but also risk facing greater sorrow.
Can my heart take it? Are the walls I've built
to protect it too thick or to tall for me to remove?
Where can I find a damn demolition crew?
About Me
- glindathegood
- I am at a crossroads in my life. Exploring new paths and new opportunities. Looking for the illusive "it" in my life, but enjoying the journey with it's many obsticals as well as it's side attractions.
2 comments:
Hey if you find the demolition crew send them over to me too! :)love ya!
While I am looking for a crew of people to demolish my walls, I think you are looking for an individual independant contractor to do the remodeling. Someone to take out the interior walls and add some support beams. Love ya :)
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