I was so estactic
the test was positive
took a picture to make sure.
It was 4 am,
didn't trust my tired mind.
Climbed into bed,
wispered "It's postive" into
my weary husbands ear...
"Really?" His eyes now open,
Yes..."Wonderful, can I go back to
sleep now" He kissed me, and we spooned
until the riot of noise from the alarm woke me.
The bandage on my arm was like a badge of success
The blood tests are all positive...
I can't beleive it...Finally after all this time.
Calls to family and a few close friends to share
the news. Everyone is so excited, I want to share
the news with everyone...but a small part of my heart
is leary...
Time seemed to pass so slowly...
waiting for the ultra sound to confirm
the presence of our baby.
I knew as soon as I saw it.
The picture showed a near empty sac.
The baby stopped growing
never had a heart beat,
never was mine.
And my heart broke in two,
this dream has eluded me too long.
Once again my body has betrayed me.
Now my womb bleeds to rid me of
the life that nearly was.
I have to search the bloody waters,
looking for the small grey mass of a lost child.
To let my doctor know it is done,
it has passed.
I need it to be done,
each day the blood lingers is another reminder..
I need to move on, my tears are nearly gone
but my womb continues to weep.
Monday, December 6, 2010
#34-Fertility part 2
So October 2 came and went, no pregnacy.
Tried again...Insemination in Mid October
But this time yeah!!! Positive test results.
Went to Dr on November 1st, pregnancy confirmed.
Went back three days later for follow up
blood tests...Everything is going well.
Made appt for November 23 for a 7 week
ultrasound. Snow and ice forced me to
reschedule a week later.
Spotting started day before the unltra sound
they said it is normal but I was concerned.
Ultrasound the next day confirmed the worst.
The embryo stopped growing around week 5.
So now I am at home from work, dealing with
remnants of a failed pregnacy...just wishing
the bleeding and clotting would stop so I can
move on...and try again
Tried again...Insemination in Mid October
But this time yeah!!! Positive test results.
Went to Dr on November 1st, pregnancy confirmed.
Went back three days later for follow up
blood tests...Everything is going well.
Made appt for November 23 for a 7 week
ultrasound. Snow and ice forced me to
reschedule a week later.
Spotting started day before the unltra sound
they said it is normal but I was concerned.
Ultrasound the next day confirmed the worst.
The embryo stopped growing around week 5.
So now I am at home from work, dealing with
remnants of a failed pregnacy...just wishing
the bleeding and clotting would stop so I can
move on...and try again
Saturday, September 18, 2010
#33-Fertility
On the addvise of a good friend,
I decided to write about my experience
of trying to get pregnant.
Warning! I plan to be blunt about how the
female reproductive system works.
Best place to start is at the beginning...
15 years old, had my first period. Never had
a regular cycle. Would miss up to 6 months
between cycles. Was 30 years old when place
on birthcontrol pills to regulate my periods.
Was 33 when I was diagnosed by a dr with having
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom (PCOS). This is the
leading cause of infertility in the US. Basically
there are some problems with my hormones, so folicals
in my overaries start to develop, but never complete
through ovulations. So, no egg, no baby.
I started fertility treatment with my first husband,
but it ended with our marriage.
When Marco and I knew we were heading toward
marriage we started our journey toward
pregnancy. So in early 2009 I got off the
pill and started taking other medications that
would help regulate my cycle, but allow for
the possibility of pregnancy.
Nothing happened.
We were married in September of 2009, in December
he added me to his insurance. We are very
fortunate thathe has medical insurance that will
pay for fertility treatment, up to $24,000.
My insurance, while very good, would not touch
fertility treatments with a 10 foot pole.
In February of 2010, we met with Dr. Dudley at
Seattle Reproductive Medicine (SRM). He was very
kind and understanding. He said we didn't have
time to waste, since we knew what the problem was.
He had a plan, and we started working on it.
I was going to see a nutritionist and work on
loosing some weight, and in the mean time we
would start on fertility drugs. I started the
drugs at the end of March. We went back at the
April, since I was spotting, and the pregnancy
tests were negative.
They desided to do an ultrasound and an HSG. An
HSG is where they inject saline solution with
idodine and take x-rays at the same time. They
are checking to make sure the falopian tubes are
open and clean out the uterus. At that time they
found a mass in the uterus. He believed that
is was a uterine polyp. We scheduled a Hystoscopy
(where they put a little camera up to check around)
It has to be done during a certine time during a
cycle, so back to the birthcontrol pills.
The Hystoscopy showed 3 polyps. 2 small ones on
either side and a large one hanging down from the
top of the uteris. It is not possible to carry a
child to term with these polyps, we we schedule
surgery for the end of July.
July 30th I went to NW Hospital to have outpatient
surgery. It went smoothly, all the polyps were removed.
After a month of recovering, we started the fertility
treatments again.
Started taking the fertility drugs again. With
fertility, so much is about the timing/days.
Day one is the first day of full flow on my
cycle. Day 3-7 I take the fertility drugs.
Day 12 I go into the dr office for an ultrasound.
They are checking to see if I have any mature
folicals ready to pop/ovulate. I did, but needed
an extra day to get a little bigger. So the next day
(day 13) I went back to the doctor's for a shot of
hormones that will stimulate ovulation. Day 14 we
return to the doctor's office for artifical
insemination. Marco had his visit at 9am. They
take his "sample" and do an analysis and "wash"
it to concentrate the sperm. I returned at 11am
and they are able to inseminate me with his sample.
Now we are waiting. It takes 15-18 days for the
pregnancy hormones to accumulate enough to be
read by a test.
So October 2nd seems like forever away, but it
is less then 2 weeks away.
We both want this so bad. I am scared to totally
beleive thatit will happen this time. I don't
want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen
this time. We are going to try this 3x, if it
doesn't work, we have to consider IVF. In the
mean time I have to keep working on loosing
weight, and hope for the best.
I decided to write about my experience
of trying to get pregnant.
Warning! I plan to be blunt about how the
female reproductive system works.
Best place to start is at the beginning...
15 years old, had my first period. Never had
a regular cycle. Would miss up to 6 months
between cycles. Was 30 years old when place
on birthcontrol pills to regulate my periods.
Was 33 when I was diagnosed by a dr with having
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom (PCOS). This is the
leading cause of infertility in the US. Basically
there are some problems with my hormones, so folicals
in my overaries start to develop, but never complete
through ovulations. So, no egg, no baby.
I started fertility treatment with my first husband,
but it ended with our marriage.
When Marco and I knew we were heading toward
marriage we started our journey toward
pregnancy. So in early 2009 I got off the
pill and started taking other medications that
would help regulate my cycle, but allow for
the possibility of pregnancy.
Nothing happened.
We were married in September of 2009, in December
he added me to his insurance. We are very
fortunate thathe has medical insurance that will
pay for fertility treatment, up to $24,000.
My insurance, while very good, would not touch
fertility treatments with a 10 foot pole.
In February of 2010, we met with Dr. Dudley at
Seattle Reproductive Medicine (SRM). He was very
kind and understanding. He said we didn't have
time to waste, since we knew what the problem was.
He had a plan, and we started working on it.
I was going to see a nutritionist and work on
loosing some weight, and in the mean time we
would start on fertility drugs. I started the
drugs at the end of March. We went back at the
April, since I was spotting, and the pregnancy
tests were negative.
They desided to do an ultrasound and an HSG. An
HSG is where they inject saline solution with
idodine and take x-rays at the same time. They
are checking to make sure the falopian tubes are
open and clean out the uterus. At that time they
found a mass in the uterus. He believed that
is was a uterine polyp. We scheduled a Hystoscopy
(where they put a little camera up to check around)
It has to be done during a certine time during a
cycle, so back to the birthcontrol pills.
The Hystoscopy showed 3 polyps. 2 small ones on
either side and a large one hanging down from the
top of the uteris. It is not possible to carry a
child to term with these polyps, we we schedule
surgery for the end of July.
July 30th I went to NW Hospital to have outpatient
surgery. It went smoothly, all the polyps were removed.
After a month of recovering, we started the fertility
treatments again.
Started taking the fertility drugs again. With
fertility, so much is about the timing/days.
Day one is the first day of full flow on my
cycle. Day 3-7 I take the fertility drugs.
Day 12 I go into the dr office for an ultrasound.
They are checking to see if I have any mature
folicals ready to pop/ovulate. I did, but needed
an extra day to get a little bigger. So the next day
(day 13) I went back to the doctor's for a shot of
hormones that will stimulate ovulation. Day 14 we
return to the doctor's office for artifical
insemination. Marco had his visit at 9am. They
take his "sample" and do an analysis and "wash"
it to concentrate the sperm. I returned at 11am
and they are able to inseminate me with his sample.
Now we are waiting. It takes 15-18 days for the
pregnancy hormones to accumulate enough to be
read by a test.
So October 2nd seems like forever away, but it
is less then 2 weeks away.
We both want this so bad. I am scared to totally
beleive thatit will happen this time. I don't
want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen
this time. We are going to try this 3x, if it
doesn't work, we have to consider IVF. In the
mean time I have to keep working on loosing
weight, and hope for the best.
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