I was so estactic
the test was positive
took a picture to make sure.
It was 4 am,
didn't trust my tired mind.
Climbed into bed,
wispered "It's postive" into
my weary husbands ear...
"Really?" His eyes now open,
Yes..."Wonderful, can I go back to
sleep now" He kissed me, and we spooned
until the riot of noise from the alarm woke me.
The bandage on my arm was like a badge of success
The blood tests are all positive...
I can't beleive it...Finally after all this time.
Calls to family and a few close friends to share
the news. Everyone is so excited, I want to share
the news with everyone...but a small part of my heart
is leary...
Time seemed to pass so slowly...
waiting for the ultra sound to confirm
the presence of our baby.
I knew as soon as I saw it.
The picture showed a near empty sac.
The baby stopped growing
never had a heart beat,
never was mine.
And my heart broke in two,
this dream has eluded me too long.
Once again my body has betrayed me.
Now my womb bleeds to rid me of
the life that nearly was.
I have to search the bloody waters,
looking for the small grey mass of a lost child.
To let my doctor know it is done,
it has passed.
I need it to be done,
each day the blood lingers is another reminder..
I need to move on, my tears are nearly gone
but my womb continues to weep.
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2 comments:
Awhhhh sweetie, this is beautiful, sad and so deep from your heart. I wish I could take your pain away, I would do anything you could ask of me to give you comfort. Know that I love you, I think of you and this situation alot, and as much as I can still pray, I do, sending all the blessings I can still draw on your way!
hugs....like ruthann wish I could take away your pain. praying and thinking and hoping and dreaming for you.
guess what?
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