#20 Busy, Busy

Just got the Internet back after 2 weeks.
I feel so connected.

I have moved into my own place,
so nice.

I have been working at my new job,
going well.

I have a new boyfriend,
so wonderful.

It is amazing how fast things can change.

Sometimes, though, I wonder if it is too
many changes, too soon.

My new boyfriend is amazing, wonderful, kind,
supportive, successful, he has all the qualities that
are most important to me. And he thinks I am
wonderful, sexy, and amazing too.

Yet, as I say good-bye to my "online friends" I feel sad,
maybe even a little heartbroken. I have cried over this
on several occations. Like I am breaking up with them.

But how, or why, does telling someone I have never met
(or only met once) that I will no longer be in contact with
them affect me so strongly.

Initially my plan was to move to Seattle, date a few people
until I found someone to settle down with.

I wanted to be the cosmopolitan "sex in the city" girl.
Many men offered me the opportunity to be that woman.
And it was exciting, and new, and appealing.

They had awakened me to possibilities out there.
Casual sex was something I had never done, I
looked forward to the experience.

But the closer I got to that reality, the more I realized
that is not who I really am.

My new boyfriend took the time between our
first online connection and our first in person visit
to get to know me. Emails, phone calls, text messages...
He seemed sincerely interested in me, the person.

He is the only one I met who accepted me as I was
and didn't try to mold me into something they wanted.

He is offering me all that I want in life...to settle down,
have a family, buy a house, live the dream. When I am
with him I am so happy.

Yet part of me is sad to let go of the possibilities.