#21-Choices

This is directed to the person I had a conversation
with last night. You know who you are. You may
never read this, but I need to have my say:

"Yes, you are one of the most interesting people
I have ever met. You make having high blood pressure
sound exciting. You are sexy, intriguing, talented,
and for some reason to me-irresistible.

You are totally open and honest, almost
to a fault. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to be
as open and honest about my life and feelings as you are.

I am sorry if you feel like you wasted your time with me.
I am not. You opened the door to the possibilities of what
the world has to offer me. In doing so you made me
take stalk of my life. You made me search within myself
to find out what it really is that I want out of my life.

The life you offered me was fun and exciting. I think we
would have been great together, I would have learned a
lot from you emotionally, physically, politically, etc. I am
a bit sad that I will not have the opportunity have some
of those deep conversations you talked about.

But it would have only lasted a few months. It time I'm
sure I would have bored you, and you would have frustrated
me.

You see, I have searched within my self and know what
I want out of my life. And what I want is a man
who loves me and only me. Someone who needs me
as much as he needs air.

I deserve that, everyone woman deserves that.

I want to have a family of my own to love and care for.
You may not know this, but that is one of factors in my
divorce. As much as he wanted to give me that opportunity
he was not ready to do that. I had to decide between my
dreams and him. And I chose me. It was the most
difficult decision I've had to make in my life.

I have not the lost the war to find myself. I have always
known what I want out of life. Just because my choices are
not the same as yours does not make me weak. My
desire to please you, to be what you envisioned me to be,
is what made me weak.

In fact, I think some of the choices I am making take a
lot of courage.

I did not plan to fall for one of the first people I met
after my divorce.

My choice to follow my heart and dreams sometimes
scares the shit out me.

But he is offering me all that I want out of life. He
treats me with respect and love and support and affection.
He has taken his time to get to know me, the person.
Phone calls, emails, text messages...daily.

Where have you been this past month?

You have your freedom to do as you want, when ever you
want. If that brings you bliss, then I am happy for you.

The life you offered me would only bring me heart ache.

I am a strong woman, and I am choosing the life I want,
the life that will bring me bliss."