Well, it has been a month now.
The weather is a lot cooler.
Oh and by the way, the s**t hit the fan.
The monday after my post.
Our lender lost their licence
to do FHA loans, and we lost the house.
But after some crying, some anger, and
finally acceptace, things turned around.
We found a new lender,
a bigger and better house
and a better interest rate.
Just waiting to close in a couple of weeks.
In the mean time, our wedding is on Saturday.
Most everything is ready, and I am feeling
realtivly calm.
At least I am today.
Had a good cry last night. That always helps
releive my stress.
Started at the bridal shop.
Did my final fitting.
Dress fits well, is a little snugger
then I usually like--but it looks good.
As I was leaving, there were about 5
young women trying on wedding dresses.
The biggest girl was about a size 6.
They all looked young and beautuful.
I wanted to rip their eyes out.
I instantly felt like a huge whale in
a school of rainbow fish.
I have never been lower then a size 12
my whole adult life. Have always been
fighting with my weight.
Went to weight watchers for the first time
when I was 10.
I have a wonderful man who loves me the
way I am, but I just wish I loved myself
more. It seems to be the one part of my
life that I can't get a hold of.
I know that I am a good, moral, decent,
intelligent...bla bla bla
Just wish I was a little skinnier.
Not a size six, but a 12 or 14 might be nice.
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