#33-Fertility

On the addvise of a good friend,
I decided to write about my experience
of trying to get pregnant.

Warning! I plan to be blunt about how the
female reproductive system works.

Best place to start is at the beginning...
15 years old, had my first period. Never had
a regular cycle. Would miss up to 6 months
between cycles. Was 30 years old when place
on birthcontrol pills to regulate my periods.
Was 33 when I was diagnosed by a dr with having
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom (PCOS). This is the
leading cause of infertility in the US. Basically
there are some problems with my hormones, so folicals
in my overaries start to develop, but never complete
through ovulations. So, no egg, no baby.

I started fertility treatment with my first husband,
but it ended with our marriage.

When Marco and I knew we were heading toward
marriage we started our journey toward
pregnancy. So in early 2009 I got off the
pill and started taking other medications that
would help regulate my cycle, but allow for
the possibility of pregnancy.

Nothing happened.

We were married in September of 2009, in December
he added me to his insurance. We are very
fortunate thathe has medical insurance that will
pay for fertility treatment, up to $24,000.
My insurance, while very good, would not touch
fertility treatments with a 10 foot pole.

In February of 2010, we met with Dr. Dudley at
Seattle Reproductive Medicine (SRM). He was very
kind and understanding. He said we didn't have
time to waste, since we knew what the problem was.
He had a plan, and we started working on it.

I was going to see a nutritionist and work on
loosing some weight, and in the mean time we
would start on fertility drugs. I started the
drugs at the end of March. We went back at the
April, since I was spotting, and the pregnancy
tests were negative.

They desided to do an ultrasound and an HSG. An
HSG is where they inject saline solution with
idodine and take x-rays at the same time. They
are checking to make sure the falopian tubes are
open and clean out the uterus. At that time they
found a mass in the uterus. He believed that
is was a uterine polyp. We scheduled a Hystoscopy
(where they put a little camera up to check around)
It has to be done during a certine time during a
cycle, so back to the birthcontrol pills.

The Hystoscopy showed 3 polyps. 2 small ones on
either side and a large one hanging down from the
top of the uteris. It is not possible to carry a
child to term with these polyps, we we schedule
surgery for the end of July.

July 30th I went to NW Hospital to have outpatient
surgery. It went smoothly, all the polyps were removed.
After a month of recovering, we started the fertility
treatments again.

Started taking the fertility drugs again. With
fertility, so much is about the timing/days.
Day one is the first day of full flow on my
cycle. Day 3-7 I take the fertility drugs.
Day 12 I go into the dr office for an ultrasound.
They are checking to see if I have any mature
folicals ready to pop/ovulate. I did, but needed
an extra day to get a little bigger. So the next day
(day 13) I went back to the doctor's for a shot of
hormones that will stimulate ovulation. Day 14 we
return to the doctor's office for artifical
insemination. Marco had his visit at 9am. They
take his "sample" and do an analysis and "wash"
it to concentrate the sperm. I returned at 11am
and they are able to inseminate me with his sample.
Now we are waiting. It takes 15-18 days for the
pregnancy hormones to accumulate enough to be
read by a test.

So October 2nd seems like forever away, but it
is less then 2 weeks away.

We both want this so bad. I am scared to totally
beleive thatit will happen this time. I don't
want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen
this time. We are going to try this 3x, if it
doesn't work, we have to consider IVF. In the
mean time I have to keep working on loosing
weight, and hope for the best.

#32- Reflections

I've been reflecting a lot lately
about how different my life is
today from one year ago.

A year ago June I got
separated. He is a good person, we just
had different paths to follow.

Hardest thing I ever had to do.

Had feelings of guilt and failure
and loneliness.

Began seeking comfort online.

Met some doozies, (wow...you have no
idea) met some nice ones to.
Some who understood, some
who just needed someone else to talk to,
to waste an evening in frivolous chatter.

It was not time wasted for me. These chats
helped me to see myself more clearly.
Opened my eyes to what was now available to me
They helped me to seek out the life
I really wanted for myself,
to figure out what that really was.

It also lead me to Marco.
The wonderful man who is now my husband.
Who has ability to love me as I am,
who offered me what I wanted out of my life.

I have a man that is devoted to me.
Has pushed me to try new things, to
seek out our dreams, to not fear failure.

His persistence has lead us to buy a home,
one where we can start our family.
The next step on our list.

Last year was a new job, new city, new (very small) apt.

This year is a wonderful husband,
home of my own (And the bank's for the next 30 yrs)
decorating for the holidays, and planning for the
next year.

#31-Pills

It's 10 PM
here we go again
It's the same thing
every single night

I grab a glass of water
and start in...

A big orange one,
to keep me healthy
Specially for women
has the right amount of folic acid,
just in case.

A small oval white one,
to fight microscopic invaders
from attacking my airways.

A nice pinkish circle,
to manipulate my heart and
vessels into the right pressure.

Another circle, white this time.
I only take this one for 14 days a month.
It fights to tame my rebellious womb,
but it mostly fails.

Pharmaceutical particles
drifting through my system...
trying to regulate
what mother nature can't do on her own.

#30-A letter to me

I was listening to a Brad Paisley song
where he writes a letter to his 17 year old self.

I started thinking, what would I write to my self.
Here are some excerpts from my letter
to my teen to 20ish self.

If you like some one let them know, don't be afraid of love

Value your self as your are, revel in your uniqueness,
don't let others sell you short.

Speak up for yourself, don't let others push you around

Love your body, others do, don't hide your assets

Don't waste so much time on Steve, move on, look around
there are plenty of others out there looking your way.

Value your education. Don't waste opportunities.

Stop being the "best friend" and take a risk and be the "girlfriend"

Follow your heart, when you over think things, you get confused.

Live your life with gusto, don't worry about the consequences
they are never as bad as you think.

Never regret loving someone.

#29- Everyday Nature

A quick trip to the store
I turned the corner
and before me a giant oak is ablaze
in shades of golden orange

A mundane commute, a hour long,
I turned the corner
ripples of morning mist hug the valley edges
reflecting drops of light

Walking to get my mail
I turned the corner
A crystalline view of Mt Rainer
an azure watermark on the horizon

Everyday, Nature surprises me
Her ethereal beauty calms me
Her color and symmetry amaze me
Nature, leaves me in awe

#28 home sweet home

Wooo Hooo!
I am a home owner.
I should say,
WE are home owners

I never thought it would happen.
At least not this soon.

He had the faith
He was determined
He made it happen.

He inspires me every day.
I am to worried about this or that.
If it had been in only my hands I
would still be in that little one bedroom.

He pushes me to believe
He helps me to grow and try those things
I may be too scared to do on my own.

When he sees something he wants,
he pursues it with gusto.

His drive to obtain his desires
is what brought us together.

I am thankful for that every day.
He showed me what a life with him could be like
and it was everything I wanted.

Buying the home is only his latest accomplishment.
But not the last.

I look forward to seeing what we will
accomplish next.

#27-Whew, will it ever stop

I'm Married!!

We had a very nice, small wedding.
Just family and good friends.
We wanted to focus the day on our
marriage, not the wedding.
Been there done that.

But is a wedding day without a few
bumps in the road.



1. Sick flower girl
I didn't have any attendants except my
niece the flower girl. Brother called at
9 am to let us know that she has been
throwing up since 7 am. I wished them well
and figured I would just go with a flower girl.
But she recoved and did a perfect job.




2. Broken Cake Topper
My mom, in her desire to get everything
organized and put together, placed the cake
topper with the serving set on the edge of the counter.
(Which was covered with everything else for the day)
Shortly after she bumped it and it fell to to floor,
landing with an unmistakable tickling of shattered
porceline.

She was very upset. I tried to calm, said it's no
biggy. I'll run to the mall and see if they have
another one. She went to one mall, and I to another.
She found an identical one and purchased it. No biggy.

3. House stuff
On the way to Portland for the wedding. We got a call
from our lender saying that we didn't qualify for the
home buying assistance program due to moving to
a county with a lower income rate. We now have
to come up with a down payment. We are still
working that out. But we are on track to close soon.

I guess the most important thing is I am married
to a wonderful, supportive, amibitious, handsome,
sexy, loving man. I couldn't ask for more.